I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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