Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
