Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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