i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize