Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
