cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
