i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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