You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
