So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
