You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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