Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
