I am puke
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
