so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
