I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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