just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
