worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Randomize
