You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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