beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
