Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
