So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
