spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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