if i can run in heels then i can drive
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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