New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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