I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
