I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
