how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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