She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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