so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize