She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
