i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
