We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
