oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Randomize
