My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
