as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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