Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
i've created a new STD.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
