arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
