did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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