Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
