Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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