what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
