Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
