sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
