Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
