The maid of honor just puked.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
