I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
