she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
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