...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
