At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
