I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
