Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
