It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
