I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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