its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
