she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You may now shotgun with the bride
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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