Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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