dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
