just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
false alarm. still invincible.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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