dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize