apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
We're using joints as your birthday candles
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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