He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
