I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
