If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
