Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
