There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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