put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
