white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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