Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
