So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
