to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
