I'm really into asian looking animals
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
