so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I enjoy the company of your penis
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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