I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
