when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
