I cannot find my penis.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
The beers last night were like the tears from god
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
