Duck Duck Cougar?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
