i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
