We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
