can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
