I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
