Your favorite bartender is back from prision
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
