well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
