trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
