Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
