It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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