are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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