awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
