Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
