oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
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